May 12, 2011 § 1 Comment
Once I returned, stiff and weary, from Antalya, I gladly collapsed into bed, happy to be in familiar surroundings. I’ll be spending the next few weeks in my living room, my gilded prison.
Social isolation aside, what’s most difficult about my situation is the geographical purgatory. The accident abruptly removed me not just from the university and town life, but, well, Turkey. I’m not interacting with Turks, attempting to speak Turkish, and besides some TV morning shows and soap operas I watch but don’t understand, I’m not hearing Turkish. Aside from random teyzes chopping wood outside my window, shouts from the schoolyard next door, and the reliable call to prayer, I’ve essentially been removed from Turkey. Forget “Is it Europe? Is it Asia?” The more pertinent question is, “Where is it?”
I watch English-language television, read English-translated books*, and talk with American friends online and on Skype. But I don’t live in America or England.
I watch Ellen and Martha Stewart reruns from last year, but I don’t live in 2010.
I transcribe Ladino. But I don’t live in Ottoman Turkey.
I watch Al-Jazeera, BBC World News, and read books about Central Asia. But I don’t inhabit some nebulous international space. Or do I?
I essentially live nowhere and therefore I live everywhere. I like to imagine that my apartment has detached itself from the lojman and is on a world tour, safely surveying government repression in Yemen and Bahrain, earthquakes in Lorca, Spain (near where I would have been teaching had I gone to Spain), flooding in the Mississippi, murders of miniaturists in the Ottoman Empire, family Shabbat dinners in mid-20th century Izmir, Turkey.
I feel kind of like Tom Hanks in The Terminal, or Tom Hanks in Cast Away, but not like Tom Hanks in Philadelphia (too geographically certain).
Magic carpet ride aside, this liminal existence is pretty disconcerting. I wasn’t ready to be prematurely yanked out of Turkey and I’m upset I won’t be able to live this last month to the fullest. But I’m not ready to go back to the US. Some might say this is a good transition back to American life. It’s not. Since the only representations I get of America are Jay Leno and the Big Bang Theory, I’m growing to despise brainless American TV more and more (Conan, you get a free pass). I feel a strange affinity with Guantanamo Bay detainees.
I don’t know what this is. I’m really looking forward to my next outing, when I’ll try to navigate the seamless Turkish transportation system to make my way to Istanbul for an appointment at the German Hospital.
I’m a citizen of the world. Or at least, I’m queen of the corduroy couch.
*If you want to start a Skype book club, pick up a copy of Orhan Pamuk’s My Name is Red. It’s either that or a book of speeches on Swedish/Turkish/Kurdish relations (a pretty engaging read, and easier to understand than Pamuk).